Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
