I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
