I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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