I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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