I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
