the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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