I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
