Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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