Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Every concussion has its silver lining
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
