We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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