dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
