does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
