she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
