So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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