He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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