you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
