I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
