you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you inspire me to be a worse person
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
