Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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