wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
