I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
wow bdsm is so cute
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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