Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
