I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
