worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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