no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
its liver damage thursday
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
