Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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