is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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