We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
