pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
