hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
