i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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