So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
