Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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