Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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