are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
