i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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