Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
