I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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