I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
