Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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