Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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