Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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