Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
