she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
