I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
