weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
