I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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