Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
