If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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