8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
