How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
