Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
