I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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