Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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