i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
