I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize