Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
