I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
