Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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