her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
