dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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