Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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