If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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